Warm love, cold calculation a paradox
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Discussing Titanic recently, some Chinese female college students readily affirmed having enjoyed what they considered to be a very "romantic" film.
They agreed, too, with one of their classmates who said: "Of course their love would never have lasted." I asked why not? She replied: "They were from different social classes." Her opinion is representative of Chinese tradition, which holds the best marriage matches are between social equals.
This raises an interesting question: Would the students hold the same view of success if the woman in the film was from a lower class than the man? I think not.
Chinese society is undergoing a transformation whereby dating is replacing more formalized courtship norms that provide greater individual freedom, flexibility and insecurity to the meaning of sexual and emotional intimacy. The increasing popularity of romantic love expressed during a dating couple's ordinary conversations has moved love, perceived as imaginary play and an essential goal of life, from society's margins to its center stage.
Chinese TV channels are full of talk and reality shows, discussing almost every facet of romantic love and what achieving personal happiness and having a successful conjugal life means. China's single-child generation has swallowed the TV-version of romantic love hook, line and sinker, or so it seems.
A 23-year-old woman's idea about love is representative of her generation. She says: "Love is more than an expression. It is taking care of my man when he is sick, jumping up and down on receiving exciting news, or just watching him sleep. It means cooking for him and then eating together. Love also involves enjoying the quiet pleasures of being together and doing small stuff with my man." For her and others of her generation, love is based on equality and the sharing of life's intimacies. In effect, it is not just cool to be in love, it is essential to have a satisfactory life.
